I used to meet someone here a while back.
--
Oneson ~«©¿©»~
metotally wrote in message ...
Hey... nice to see you.
I've seen Wunson here. Small world.
Warning... Long post....
I am an old woman. Be 57 in August. People don't seem to like talking to
old
women. They especially have little value to horney men. As do celibate
women
or bi sexual woman. The only one of those I really am is 57. I don't feel
or
think old. But I look it. I find people write you off because of white hair
and wrinkles. My inner age seems to be about 34 but people can't see that.
And I like younger people. My life has been so different from most women my
age that I can't relate to them at all. Childhood trauma and travels and
such have made my life experience very different from "normal" peoples.
I have been reading BA since I turned my computer on about 6 or more years
ago. Feel like you guys are all old friends and then I realize that no one
even knows me especially if I am just a lurker. So I stopped lurking and
starting yakking and discovered a few things about myself.
Like my insanity of always thinking secrets are being hidden. When I was a
little kid I used to rip up the flyleaf on book covers looking for secret
writings. Or maybe just more book cause it was so good.
I have never wanted to be married. I have had two significant others and
children by them.
But I get bored and, like I change my nik, wanted to change my life. Until
eventually, (about 12 years ago), I realized that I wanted NO man. My
daughters, born when my son was 15, kept me busy enough with their demands
and needs and life became a struggle to just survive. Having fun and
friends
or a sexual relationship was out of the question. Work and kids, work and
kids.
The girls are still being trouble. One daughter (oldest, at 20) is so
addicted to pot that she can't function without it, but has no job and no
money of her own and she is bigger and stronger than me and gets very
nasty.
Sometimes she scares me. Mostly though, I want to wait it out and keep
suggesting other ways she can cope. Like me, she may have to hit rock
bottom
before she decides she doesn't want to live like that. She went to live
with
her dad in February because he had more money. Then she finds that her
younger sister, whom she hates and has been jealous of all her life, rules
the roost there and is not subject to her manipulation attempts. So back to
Mom she comes. I have a hard time being tough enough.
There is so little money that it's a struggle to pay the rent every month
for just 2 rooms. I work 9 hrs a day 4 days a week for 7.20 per hour.
Peanuts.
My youngest daughter, 18 years old, is the one that had the surprise baby.
No one knew she was pregnant and she says she didn't know either. He is 7
months old now and I just love him to bits, no pun intended Bitey one. She
is totally supported by her dad and has lived with him on and off since she
was 8 years old. There was a lot of teenage angst and moving back and forth
and then she had the baby and has all of a sudden had to grow up and become
responsible. Her dad dotes on her, to the chagrin of her sister, and has
given her his house and moved into the basement. Yesterday he bought her a
car - (the older one is livid.) A shiny new bright red Grand Am. I'm scared
she's going to hurt herself in it. She is still a teenager, with many
friends and a boyfriend that she rules with an iron fist. I wish I had half
her bitchiness, I would have been able to be tougher on them when they
needed it.
The older one - MJ, has always been jealous of her sister JM. JM is a very
pretty and social young thing with lots of friends and energy. But now with
baby. MJ was always self conscious about her weight and was given a hard
time at school when she was young. She became a recluse and suffered low
self esteem. Then she discovered that she could stop her gloomy thoughts
with weed and has friends now, that are just like her. The low self esteem
problem stops her from actively looking forward to becoming independent and
self supportive.
They are both stubborn as hell, and volatile. Both have been diagnosed with
ADD. Their dad is a prime example of someone with ADD. He also, just like
MJ, uses pot hourly to self medicate. He doesn't need to work for money...
he lives on a disability pension from CPRail, where he got his head smashed
in by a swinging piece of rail. He snuck out of the hospital the next day
and got on a Greyhound bus to come home. I lived with him for 10 years.
Packed my bags after the first year and stuffed them under the bed. Tried
to
work it out, but I was dying, so I had to leave. He is 11 years younger
than
I.
My son, Eric, is 35, married to a wonderful woman and they live in
Victoria,
BC on the Pacific Ocean. They carefully planned their education, supported
themselves through university, got good careers going, got married, paid
off
their student loans, bought a house, and have had their first child in
February this year. Their little one is adorable too and they love him and
each other and are very happy and comfortable. I have not seen my newest
grandson yet and would love to be able to go and visit. It's all the way
across the country. I drove it about 4 years ago, in a pick up with two
dogs
for company. Can't do it again, yet.
I really enjoy my time at BA and associateds. I especially like Biff, but I
think he doesn't like me, because I cannot willingly, and with expertise,
play the sexual games he likes. I think that he is more than that though. I
want to be able to talk to him, but don't know how to relate. He is a
puzzle, but I really like him. I like Moky and you, and Andre is fun and
level headed. NY has changed over the last month or so. He is not as
coherent or as good a writer as he was before, almost like a different
person is
writing. And if he was H.G.Jack from elsewhere then I know why. Do you know
what I mean?
Sib and I have been email friends for a long time. Haggis just started
showing up where Sib and I were talking. She must have invited him. He's a
bit too opinionated for me at times. I luv Oneson. Zippy's fun. BluJuJu and
Jayess are names familiar to me from a forum group I hung in a long time
ago. Also Blujubigdog or somenik like that.
Is Minky for real? Tubeguy is quiet but when he does speak, reminds me of
Biff. Tipster and Lil Devil are mysteries to me. I used to think Lil Devil
was NY's wife or lover or
something. Now I see she/he has had some horrible operation or something
and
is in recovery. Tipster I thought was another of Biff's niks. Moky is a
fine
strong woman and I admire her. And I admire your wit and liveliness. You
both have great beauty over the net. I am new at this social life on the
net
stuff, and still learning. That's why I ask you so many questions. Plus,
you
actually answer questions, truthfully and wisely. It's hard to know who to
trust. Haggis says why do I care enough to have to trust? I don't know the
answer to that.
No answer needed... I just wanted to share who I was, or part of who I was.
It's only fair because I asked you who you were. Now if Biff would share,
honestly, I'd be a happy poaster. Is it me he keeps mouthing off at? Or
not?
He has reason to mouth off at me. But is he? I have to stop myself from
mouthing off back at him, just in case it's not me and I end up looking
like
a complete idiot - again. Do he and Moky have a relationship. Does she
really live in Kentucky? Questions I can't ask in public, but would love to
know the answers to. And I would ask them personally if I could find a way
to communicate.
I think one can post pics here too. Gonna try. Tell me if you can see my
latest totem.
I am not native.. I just value their spirituality and their love of the
earth and the way their society raised their kids and respected their
women.
I feel like our struggles with this white-man-run society are similar ones.
Post by BiteyHah! Gotcha! I like the name of this froup and it *is* worlds away, kinda
like on the fringe of the netherworld.. erm, so to speak.
Post by metotallyBits and Pieces...
I'm in pieces.
Bitey little bits.
come back....
--
-=Bitey=- *The Toothy1 chix0r* vV''Vv